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Deviant for 3 Years
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“There was a girl.”

The man scratches his face and sighs, eyes on the shining lights of the city across the river.

“A girl?” I raise an eyebrow.

The man nods. “She was the first one that tried to drag it out of me, Jane. Whenever I’d sit down to write, she’d be there with me, looking over everything. ‘No, Alex, there’s not enough emotion in that sentence.’ ‘This whole paragraph’s flat; something’s missing.’ ‘Too verbose, you need to trim your descriptions.’ God, I can’t tell you how agonizing it was to go back and edit over and over again while she ripped apart my life’s work. But she saw something in me, some kind of potential. Everything she did was to make me a better artist.”

I take a deep drag on my cigarette and breathe out. “So what happened?”

“I couldn’t keep up with her. She wanted to mold me into a better artist, but I couldn’t figure out how to get there. So we went our separate ways and I stopped writing for a while.”

“Why’d you stop writing?”

Alex bites his lip and cracks his neck, a grimace on his face.

“When we had our falling out, I felt lost. I tried to write, tried to improve, but I hated everything I wrote. It was like a part of me had gone missing and everything I tried to create was empty. I couldn’t love my own work.”

An evening breeze blows through the park. I can’t tell if Alex is trembling from the cold or something else.

“Well, you got past that, right? You’re writing again, after all.”

He nods.

“How’d you do it?”

Silence for a few moments. Alex looks up at the sky and sighs. His eyes stay focused on the cloud-covered moon.

“I don’t know. It started again when I met someone else. She didn’t know about my writing, not to my knowledge at least. She just happened to be someone with whom I could play a friendly game or have a chat. It was enough that I felt I could try my hand at writing again. Without the empty feeling in my life anymore, I thought I might actually get somewhere with my work. It was a good time, while it lasted. I enjoyed her company, she was an entertaining person, and we managed to get along fine for a time.”

“For a time?” I tap the ashes off my cigarette as I wait.

He gives a humorless smile.

“Human emotions are irrational to say the least, and affection in particular can be inexplicable at times. I don’t know when or how, but as time passed, I began to feel something for her. I tried at first to deny it. I hadn’t had any interest in someone for a long time before that. It could have been just exaggerated feelings of friendship, I thought. But as the months went by, those feelings grew and I had to question myself. If things carried on, what would be the result? What was my hope for our relationship? Something in me snapped. I didn’t think I could keep going, not without jeopardizing the friendship we had. So I cut it off altogether. I packed up, moved to another city, and tried to settle down with my work.”

There are no surprises here. It can happen with any friendship between a man and a woman. But-

“Instead of following your feelings, you ran from them.”

Alex winces, but makes no attempt to deny it.

“Let me ask you something, Alex. Why are you telling me all this? You gave up on her already. When you realized you felt something for her, you tried to get away. So why does it still matter?”

“Because I still have those feelings and I can’t get rid of them. When I write, I think of her. When I go out to enjoy myself and relax, I think of her. So many thoughts, so many ideas, so many things I do are colored by my feelings for her. These emotions are not something that I asked for, but they’re here and a part of me. You’re someone I trust. I’m just hoping you can help me figure out what to do.”

Advice. Not one of my strong points. I slowly let out a stream of smoke from my lips as I think.

“Well, I guess you’ve asked the wrong person,” I tell him honestly. “In fact, I don’t think there’s anyone you can ask who’d be able to help you.”

He stares at me, not quite believing my words. “Jane. What are you saying? There has to be something, right?”

I shrug. “It’s the truth, Alex. Love isn’t something that can follow a guidebook or a manual. No one can tell you what to do. If you’re mature enough, you’ll just have to be sure you understand her and see for yourself if there’s a chance. If there isn’t, then I’m sorry to say that’s that. But if there is a chance, then it’s up to you how to approach her. You’re an artist, I’m sure you can think of something creative.”

Alex taps his foot against the ground in rapid, rhythmic beats. His gaze is cast down at his fingers, drumming against his knees in an odd tempo.

“Is there a chance,” he mutters softly. “Do I even understand her?”

I reach into my pocket and hand him my phone.

“Only one way to find out.”
It starts with an idea: Some fleeting emotion that hints at something more.

Thoughts are formed then pushed aside, shaken off as nothing more than idle musings.

But as time passes and buried thoughts resurface, one begins to wonder: Is there really something more?

The wisp of an idea takes root and begins to grow. Reaching into every corner of one's being, it grabs hold of the mind and body in every waking moment. Even in sleep, the idea slips into dreams. Driven by it, the man becomes a machine. Every breath, every motion is guided by it. To turn it into reality becomes his sole purpose.

At first, the man is admired for his drive. He has a goal to which he works. Some stand alongside to aid him.

The road to the goal is difficult, however. With time, the goal becomes an obsession. Drive becomes desperation. Those who might have admired the man turn away, unable to watch his self-destructive transformation.

Soon, he is alone. His hands still go through the motions, but his mind and heart are no longer there. He no longer remembers why he is where he is or does what he does.

All he knows is there was once an idea... But what was it?
Idea - 2015.02.10.01
It is what it is. Take it however you will, can mean anything.

More to come later.
Well, it's time to get writing again.
Follow here and at my wordpress for updates. I'll be posting random pieces here and an upcoming series on WP.


United States

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Add a Comment:
rimuu Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ty! by rimuu
It's greatly appreciated! ;u;/
ClearEchoes Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch and favs too :icongrin--plz:
Nerior Featured By Owner Jan 26, 2015   Digital Artist
Thx for watch!
eienhikaru Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2015
No problem, your work is great! Look forward to seeing more.
Kal-Ash Featured By Owner Feb 18, 2014
Thanks for the Fave! :D
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